May 31
Stars in their eyes
Its the grand final of Stars in their eyes, and the host, Matthew Kelly, announces the last contestant.
“Give a warm welcome to Dave from Dudley.”
The screen goes back and out hobbles a guy on walking sticks.
“Dave,” Matthew says, “what on earth happened to you?”
“Well, Matthew,” he says, “after the last round me uncle Tony picked me up from the studio, like, and drove me home. Well, we pulled out at a junction, and got hit by a big truck. Me uncle Tony, I’m sad to say, didn’t make it.”
“Oh, I’m terribly sad to hear that,” says Matthew.
“I was very lucky,” Dave said. “the engine completely crushed my legs. I had them amputated, but through the miracle of modern surgery they managed to sew my Uncle Tony’s leg onto my body. I’m having physiotherapy and I’m coming on a bit every day now.”
“What an extraordinary story,” Matthew says. “So tell us, Dave, who are you going to be tonight.”
“Tonight Matthew,” he says, “I’m going to be Simon and half uncle.”
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