Highena

A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole - heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, Some ass hole wants to buy half a head of lettuce. As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, And this gentleman here has kindly offered to buy the other half, is that OK.

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?

“Canada, sir, the boy replied.

Well, why did you leave Canada? the manager asked.

The boy said, Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.

Really? said the manager. My wife is from Canada.

No kidding? replied the boy. Who’d she play for?

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 46 year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double.

‘What’s that?’ I asked.

‘It’s a mother and daughter threesome,’ she said.

I said, ‘No,’ - excitedly.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was ‘my lucky night’.

I went back to her place.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: ‘Mum, you still awake?’

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school.

After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework.

The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.

Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, “What changed your mind about learning math?”

The son looked at mom and dad and said, “Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to a big plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher’s desk and I knew they meant business.”

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.

He shouts ‘this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!’, and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.

As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks
off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. ‘Did anybody else here see my face?’.

The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.

‘Did anybody else see my face?’ he shouts again, waving his gun around.

There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner…….. ‘I think my missus caught a glimpse….’

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee”.

The husband said, ” You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”

Wife replies, “No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

Husband replies, ” I can’t believe that, show me.”

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

“HEBREWS”