Apr 29

The speeding motorist

3:44 am Category: Random Stuff

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the driver’s door.
“Is there a problem Officer?” the motorist asks.
“Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?”
The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”
“You don’t have one?”
The man responds, “I lost it four times for drink driving.”
The policeman is shocked. “I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”
The policeman says, “Why not?”
“I stole this car.”
The officer says, “Stole it?”
The man says, “Yes, and I killed the owner.”
At this point the officer is getting irate. “You what!?”
“She’s in the boot if you want to see.”
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.The senior officer says “Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!”
The man steps out of his vehicle. “Is there a problem sir?”
“One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.”
“Murdered the owner?” the motorist asks with a puzzled look.
The officer responds, “Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?”
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, “Is this your car sir?”
The man says “Yes,” and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.”
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer.
The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. “Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner.”The man replies.
“I bet you the lying sod told you I was speeding, too!”


Apr 23

A pirate walked into a bar

3:13 pm Category: Random Stuff

A pirate walked into a bar, and the barman said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

“What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”

“What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

“Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”

The bartender replied, “Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”

The pirate explained, “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I’m fine, really.”

“What about that eye patch?”

“Oh,” said the pirate, “One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them sh1t in my eye.”

“You’re kidding,” said the bartender. “You couldn’t lose an eye just from bird sh1t”

“It was my first day with the hook.”


Apr 18

Message to the UK government. Grumpies of the World Unite

3:01 am Category: Random Stuff

Dear Mr. Cameron,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing England ‘s economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations: (more…)


Apr 15

When holiday romances get way too serious

4:24 am Category: Random Stuff

A lesson in why you shouldn’t start things you cannot finish…


Apr 14

Free at last… chick breaks out

10:33 am Category: Random Stuff

After a long countdown the chick finally breaks free from the egg…


Apr 14

What your profile picture says about you

3:26 am Category: Random Stuff

According to a study by Fast Company your social networking picture says a lot about your personality. You may think twice about how close-up or zoomed out your picture is before posting it to your Facebook profile after seeing this…





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