Highena

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.

He shouts ‘this is a raid – everyone get on the floor!!’, and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.

As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks
off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. ‘Did anybody else here see my face?’.

The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.

‘Did anybody else see my face?’ he shouts again, waving his gun around.

There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner…….. ‘I think my missus caught a glimpse….’

Now that every company and his dog have realised the power of the internet and online marketing, SEO is now big business in every country. Type in “SEO” followed by a country name and you’ll find pages and pages of SEO companies offering their services. This is where many companies now throw their advertising budget – by climbing the search engines they have realised that their ROI can be quite substantial.

To give you an idea of how competetive the SEO field now is, doing a search for “SEO Holland” on Google came back with 1,190,000 results. By the way, in Dutch “search engine optimisation” means:
Zoekmachine Optimalisatie (bet you didn’t know that).

Not only is it SEO that has become so competetive. Similarly, web design, PPC management, and all other site growth aspects have seen a real boom in the past few years. As an example, Web Design Thailand returned 1,240,000 results.

Like the Indian call center trend, SEO companies from developing nations can offer the same results at a fraction of the cost of those in the west.

How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.
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The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
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Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
Attend …. Except one. Which animal does not attend?
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Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.? This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and
You do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
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Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

Here’s a quick test for you to take. This just proves that we have become way too dependent on our computers.

Q: How Many Legs Do You Have?

To find out the answer, look down…

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.Look down, not scroll down!

Good Day

I am using this opportunity to thank you for your effort to our unfinished
transfer of fund into your account,
I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the Cheque
out of the
company to someone else
who was capable of assisting me in this great venture .Due to your
effort,sincerity,courage you showed at the course of the transaction I want to
compensate you with the sum of $500,000.00 (FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND
UNITED STATES
DOLLARS ONLY.).
You are to contact the finance house for the collection of the certified bank
draft.

Name: Mr.Osoba Williams
EMAIL: mrosobawilliams1@gmail.com
Tel: 009-234-80-79-005-138

At the moment, I am very busy here because of the investment projects I am
having at hand. Finally,I have forwarded instruction to the finance house on
your behalf to send the bank draft to you as soon as you contact them.

Best Regards,
Mrs. Alice Jane

Please don’t brand me a racist or a bigot for posting this, just see the funny side please.

WIN A COUNCIL HOUSE

Good morning and welcome to a brand new edition of ‘ASYLUM’.

Today’s program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition: Hijack an airliner and win a council house! We’ve already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor the British Taxpayer. And don’t forget, we’re now the fastest growing game on the planet.

Anyone can play, provided they don’t already hold a valid British passport, and you only need one word of English: ‘ASYLUM’!.

Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and accosting drivers at traffic lights. This competition is open to everyone buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar.

No application ever refused reasonable or unreasonable. All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password: ‘ASYLUM’.

Only this week 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury £200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel. They join tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Britain .

Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover and the world famous Toddington Services area In Historic Bedfordshire.

If you still don’t understand the rules, don’t forget there’s no need to phone a friend or ask the audience, just apply for legal aid.
Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help. It won’t cost you a penny,

so play today; it could change your life forever.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas…COME ON DOWN!

Get along to the airport, get along to the lorry park, get along to the ferry terminal. Don’t stop in Germany or France . Go straight to Britain and you are guaranteed to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the softest game on earth.

Everyone’s a winner, when they play ‘ASYLUM’.