Highena

Its the grand final of Stars in their eyes, and the host, Matthew Kelly, announces the last contestant.

“Give a warm welcome to Dave from Dudley.”

The screen goes back and out hobbles a guy on walking sticks.

“Dave,” Matthew says, “what on earth happened to you?”

“Well, Matthew,” he says, “after the last round me uncle Tony picked me up from the studio, like, and drove me home. Well, we pulled out at a junction, and got hit by a big truck. Me uncle Tony, I’m sad to say, didn’t make it.”

“Oh, I’m terribly sad to hear that,” says Matthew.

“I was very lucky,” Dave said. “the engine completely crushed my legs. I had them amputated, but through the miracle of modern surgery they managed to sew my Uncle Tony’s leg onto my body. I’m having physiotherapy and I’m coming on a bit every day now.”

“What an extraordinary story,” Matthew says. “So tell us, Dave, who are you going to be tonight.”

“Tonight Matthew,” he says, “I’m going to be Simon and half uncle.”

I’m glad I watched this after arriving back from my holiday, and not before I flew.

I’m going on holiday tomorrow, and the laptop’s staying at home. So there will be no Highena for a week. Anybody whose posted comments before still can do and they will automatically be published. Any newbies please don’t think I’m ignoring you, I’ll approve them once I get back.

I’ll leave you with this little gem of a prank call while I’m gone.

Here’s another scam email I got today.

Hello,

I am Mr. Rowland Lauterburg from Bern, Switzerland. I work with a bank in Switzerland and the reason of this mail is about business transfer of a huge sum of money from a deceased account. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. We decided to contact you due to the urgency of this transaction.
PROPOSITION;

We discovered an abandoned sum of Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars ($5,500,000.00) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family. Since his death, none of his next-of kin or relations has come forward to lay claims for this money as the heir. We cannot release the fund from his account unless someone applies for claim as the next-of-kin to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines.
Upon this discovery, we now seek your permission to have you stand as a next of kin to the deceased as all documentations will be carefully worked out by us for the funds ($5,500,000.00) to be released in your favor as the beneficiary’s next of kin. It may interest you to know that we have secured from the probate an order of mandamus to locate any of deceased beneficiaries.

Please acknowledge receipt of this message in acceptance of our mutual business endeavor by furnishing me with the following;

1. Beneficiary name and address.

2. Direct Telephone and fax numbers.
These requirements will enable us file letter of claim to the appropriate departments for necessary approvals in your favor before the transfer can be made. We shall be compensating you with a million dollars on final conclusion of this project, while the rest shall be for us. Your share stays while the rest shall be for us for investment purposes. I find myself privileged to have this information and this is a great opportunity of a lifetime of success without risks.
Please kindly send your reply to my personal email address [plauterburgr54@aol.co.uk].
My Regards,

Mr. Rowland Lauterburg.

As a general rule I’m not usually one for posting funny cute animal videos, but you got to love this little squirrel and his pal.

Squirrel Roulette - Awesome video clips here

I’ve just been offered a job with the Brittle Bone Society. I had an interview with their managing director and he offered me $50,000 a year salary.

I snapped his hand off.

Slightly stating the obvious this one.

V

In my opinion there is no competition. Microsoft have still not got round the annoying “click to activate and use this control” message that appears whenever you mouseover any flash application. Annoying!
There is a bit of code and a file that gets round this, but obviously there’s a hell of a lot of sites that haven’t incorporated this. Myself included.

I have a website that looks a beauty in Mozilla Firefox, but in IE7 the layout’s gone haywire. There’s no explanation for it whatsoever.

Some people have reported problems with Mozilla when using their add-ons, but I’ve never had a single problem with it. I think it beats IE on all fronts.

Go on, if you haven’t already -

I love Adobe Photoshop. It was the best two pounds I ever spent (Planthip Plaza, Bangkok). Check out this video of a quick make-over.

I went to meet a friend at the pub last night and when I walked in I couldn’t help but notice two beautiful women checking me out.
“Nine,” one whispered to the other as I walked past them.
Pretty proud of myself, I bragged to my pal that a beautiful woman had just rated me a nine out of ten.
“I don’t want to ruin your evening, mate,” he said, “but when I came in, they were speaking German!”